I'm moving

Not for real though, just for play play.
My thoughts are moving to: http://jennbhouston.blogspot.com/
Come visit whenever you'd like.

A Broken Down City

I'm on a journey of practicing self-control. Sounds exciting, huh? A week or so ago I felt like I needed to practice this character-building tool as I can very easily say things without really thinking them through. Or, my emotions and excitement can have me signed up for a marathon in 3 weeks when I've only run 2 miles in my training. Get it? I'm emotional and I act and speak from passionate life-desires, without refinement or a realistic perspective. I also over-commit myself (out of good intentions) but I have nothing left to give to my husband or children. As I alluded to in my most recent post, I'm at a point in life where I feel like I'm ready to experience true freedom, through exposing the things (sin, self-illusions, my past, fears) that formerly held me back and had weak stitches on my heart that acted as a false sense of protection. Its time to remove the stitches and let the flesh grow back and allow true healing to complete itself.

This can get messy. I want to be wise. I want to share things with those who need to hear about the journey. I need to learn how to not 'throw my pearls to swine'. I need to learn to stop talking, to listen, to be able to wade through a conversation with a friend and not just dive off the high-dive and into the deep end every single time. I need to apply the concept of self-control towards my husband, my kids, my desire to check facebook every hour, my eating, etc.

I'm not trying to be religious about it. In all honesty, like I told my husband this week, I want to squeeze every lesson out of this season so I don't have to re-learn it over and over again (like most lessons in my life).

The reason for this post is this: I read Proverbs 25:28 that says,
"Like a city whose walls are broken down, is a man who lacks self-control"

Its poetic, right? But I am a visual girl. I needed to see a city with broken down walls to really get what is being said here. The words I jotted down about a city with broken down walls are as follows:

Exposed, vulnerable, not pretty, weak, cannot defend itself, intruders can easily get in & capture what's inside*

I want to be vulnerable as I journey through this time, but I do not want to be weak, ignorant and unready for the task at hand. Maybe you've got some stitches that are barely holding your heart together. They may be providing a false sense of security and holding you back from true healing and freedom. I'm about to do some heart surgery and I trust that my Jesus is going to be faithful to rebuild the walls as I move towards freedom.




*About this time my 4 1/2 year old entered the room and my train of thought got a little foggy. She was so proud of herself for staying in her room until she saw a 7 on the clock as opposed to a 5 or 6. Now, if I can teach my 13 month old how to tell time, then we'd be getting places!!

Photo found here: http://www.orangeparents.org/please-take-self-control-seriously/

Spring Cleaning

I have about 3 minutes before my little man wakes up but I wanted to jot this thought down for further digestion later...

Why is it that its slightly more enjoyable to clean someone else's house, dishes, child, car, etc ______ (fill in the blank) than your own home/mess? I reckon that its because we don't have nearly as much emotional connection to that task. Once cleaned, you probably never have to clean it again, or you realize that its not a regular occurance that you will have to return to clean that other person's mess.

A thought hit me today, which I will eventually get to below, as I was slaving away by cleaning my bathroom (blah blah blah) and totally not enjoying it. Yet, recently I went over to a friend's house to borrow a dress and I happily wanted to help her clean up her after-dinner dishes. I wanted to lighten her load (as well as have an excuse to hang out a little longer). My thought this afternoon was: its more enjoyable to clean at other people's homes, but I never really get to enjoy the outcome and relish in the now-clean environment because at the end of the day I too must go home and face my mess (issues, if you will).

On to the point. My mess is continual. I keep having to address it regularly to maintain cleanlines. If I simply clean up other people's messes I never get to enjoy the outcome for too long because I need to go home and face my own mess. I'm now talking personal -very personal. Did you catch that? I'm talking about my internal mess. My pride, my past, my 'issues'. For the first time ever I am ready and I want to face my mess/issues in humility and be able to enjoy the view and freedom for myself. I want to celebrate the freedom and cleanliness that comes with gettin' down & dirty with my mess and sin. I want to experience the freedom that is promised in Galatians 5: It is for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free!

I can help other people all day long and it be a lot easier than dealing with my own mess. BUT, the real enjoyment and real freedom is going to come when I first deal with my own issues/sin/crap/what-have-you. This is where I want to be. Free. Then, I believe we will be better used and able to share about the true enjoyment of freedom, which will spark hope, humility, and freedom for others.

SO - pick up your own toilet brush & get scrubbin' and enjoy the view and freedom that is promised!

What good is a blog w/out a pict (so I've been asked)? Here's my second-born getting his scrub on and cleanin' up ;)