I'm on a journey of practicing self-control. Sounds exciting, huh? A week or so ago I felt like I needed to practice this character-building tool as I can very easily say things without really thinking them through. Or, my emotions and excitement can have me signed up for a marathon in 3 weeks when I've only run 2 miles in my training. Get it? I'm emotional and I act and speak from passionate life-desires, without refinement or a realistic perspective. I also over-commit myself (out of good intentions) but I have nothing left to give to my husband or children. As I alluded to in my most recent post, I'm at a point in life where I feel like I'm ready to experience true freedom, through exposing the things (sin, self-illusions, my past, fears) that formerly held me back and had weak stitches on my heart that acted as a false sense of protection. Its time to remove the stitches and let the flesh grow back and allow true healing to complete itself.
This can get messy. I want to be wise. I want to share things with those who need to hear about the journey. I need to learn how to not 'throw my pearls to swine'. I need to learn to stop talking, to listen, to be able to wade through a conversation with a friend and not just dive off the high-dive and into the deep end every single time. I need to apply the concept of self-control towards my husband, my kids, my desire to check facebook every hour, my eating, etc.
I'm not trying to be religious about it. In all honesty, like I told my husband this week, I want to squeeze every lesson out of this season so I don't have to re-learn it over and over again (like most lessons in my life).
The reason for this post is this: I read Proverbs 25:28 that says,
"Like a city whose walls are broken down, is a man who lacks self-control"
Its poetic, right? But I am a visual girl. I needed to see a city with broken down walls to really get what is being said here. The words I jotted down about a city with broken down walls are as follows:
Exposed, vulnerable, not pretty, weak, cannot defend itself, intruders can easily get in & capture what's inside*
I want to be vulnerable as I journey through this time, but I do not want to be weak, ignorant and unready for the task at hand. Maybe you've got some stitches that are barely holding your heart together. They may be providing a false sense of security and holding you back from true healing and freedom. I'm about to do some heart surgery and I trust that my Jesus is going to be faithful to rebuild the walls as I move towards freedom.
*About this time my 4 1/2 year old entered the room and my train of thought got a little foggy. She was so proud of herself for staying in her room until she saw a 7 on the clock as opposed to a 5 or 6. Now, if I can teach my 13 month old how to tell time, then we'd be getting places!!
Photo found here: http://www.orangeparents.org/please-take-self-control-seriously/