A Broken Down City

I'm on a journey of practicing self-control. Sounds exciting, huh? A week or so ago I felt like I needed to practice this character-building tool as I can very easily say things without really thinking them through. Or, my emotions and excitement can have me signed up for a marathon in 3 weeks when I've only run 2 miles in my training. Get it? I'm emotional and I act and speak from passionate life-desires, without refinement or a realistic perspective. I also over-commit myself (out of good intentions) but I have nothing left to give to my husband or children. As I alluded to in my most recent post, I'm at a point in life where I feel like I'm ready to experience true freedom, through exposing the things (sin, self-illusions, my past, fears) that formerly held me back and had weak stitches on my heart that acted as a false sense of protection. Its time to remove the stitches and let the flesh grow back and allow true healing to complete itself.

This can get messy. I want to be wise. I want to share things with those who need to hear about the journey. I need to learn how to not 'throw my pearls to swine'. I need to learn to stop talking, to listen, to be able to wade through a conversation with a friend and not just dive off the high-dive and into the deep end every single time. I need to apply the concept of self-control towards my husband, my kids, my desire to check facebook every hour, my eating, etc.

I'm not trying to be religious about it. In all honesty, like I told my husband this week, I want to squeeze every lesson out of this season so I don't have to re-learn it over and over again (like most lessons in my life).

The reason for this post is this: I read Proverbs 25:28 that says,
"Like a city whose walls are broken down, is a man who lacks self-control"

Its poetic, right? But I am a visual girl. I needed to see a city with broken down walls to really get what is being said here. The words I jotted down about a city with broken down walls are as follows:

Exposed, vulnerable, not pretty, weak, cannot defend itself, intruders can easily get in & capture what's inside*

I want to be vulnerable as I journey through this time, but I do not want to be weak, ignorant and unready for the task at hand. Maybe you've got some stitches that are barely holding your heart together. They may be providing a false sense of security and holding you back from true healing and freedom. I'm about to do some heart surgery and I trust that my Jesus is going to be faithful to rebuild the walls as I move towards freedom.

*About this time my 4 1/2 year old entered the room and my train of thought got a little foggy. She was so proud of herself for staying in her room until she saw a 7 on the clock as opposed to a 5 or 6. Now, if I can teach my 13 month old how to tell time, then we'd be getting places!!

Photo found here: http://www.orangeparents.org/please-take-self-control-seriously/


Amy said...

I think we are knit from the same cloth! I need to hear and see your journey...as He challenges and takes me into my own surgery...thank you for your openness and willingness to not only get messy but to take pictures along the way! You are a special blessing to me :) xoxo

Chris and Jenn Houston said...

Amy - Thanks for your comment. What a journey we each have! I have another blog in my 'think tank' and i'm eager (but practicing self control!!) to write about the need for each of us to walk hand-in-hand through our heart surgeries. I'm looking forward to sharing details with you :):):) LOVE!!